Trying to be stronger than I am

Well, I would like to think that I have done quite well this last year in handling my dad’s death, my grandma getting cancer, my dogs death, and all the other bad stuff that has happened. But some nights are extremely hard to handle, especially right now as my dad’s birthday is just a few days away. I just can’t seem to keep a strong handle on the sadness that is swelling more and more the closer it gets to his birthday. A lot has happened in the last year since his passing and I sometimes wonder if I am strong enough to handle it.

July 16, 2012 – Dad passed away

Early August – Started college at 16

August 16, 2012 – Maynard (My dog and best friend) passed away

August 29 – My dad’s birthday

Mid-September – Grandma (Who raised me since 6-ish months old) diagnosed with cancer.

October – My “best friend” told me that they thought I was stupid and hated me

November – Little brother diagnosed with sever childhood bipolar disorder

December – My birth mother told me she hated me and wished she would have aborted me when she had the chance.

Those are just the biggest things to have happened to me over the last year. And I honestly wonder sometimes if I am strong enough to handle all the stuff going on in my life. I am only 18 years old and feel like every time something seems to go good, a million bad things happen. I constantly feel like I am trying to be stronger than I actually am. I try and try and try. For what? To break over and over again?  Some days I really do feel like I need to be stronger than I am. Then I think about all the support I do have and the fact that I can help other girls going through the same thing and I realize that it is worth it to act like I am stronger than I truly am.

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